Depression in psychotherapy and psychiatry is a period of unhappiness and low morale which lasts longer than several weeks and may include ideation of self-inflicted injury or suicide; it is a state of mind producing serious longterm lowering of enjoyment of life and or inability to visualise a happy future.
My journey into depression began after I finished from secondary school, and I was seeking for admission into the higher institution. I had written the POST UTME for the university of my choice and upon release of the result, I was 4 points below the cut-off grade. I could not take it because I wanted to go to that school at all cost as UNILAG was not an option. I cried, I did all I could to get into the institution even if I wasn’t going to study the course I wanted to.
There were some sorts of encouragement, but all their talk got no where because I had already shut my mind to everything. I wrote exams for another school but I did not get my course of choice but I was more than willing to go. I was eventually cajoled to write a diploma exam for my most hated institution of which I gained admission for my course, but I was not willing to go. I was practically begged to accept the admission- my parents understood my plight so they had to do all they could to cajole me. I actually was praying to fail the exams.
My journey began, and it was not easy. The stress plus the hatred I had for what I was doing made me constantly sad. I was only trying to bear what I was going through plus I told no one about what I was passing through. It continued like this, and when I’m alone, what floods my mind is death- I’m either thinking of a car hitting me and me dropping dead, or me just collapsing and being rushed to the hospital. The thoughts were either towards me or towards my relatives. I usually anticipate bad news and nothing more.
Everyone taught I was fine- I never mentioned it to anyone, I tried fighting my battles my self. I was sort of a lone ranger. After all was said and done, I finished with the programme and was awaiting the result. Result came out and it was awesome. I gained admission and continued in my state of unhappiness. The thought of death was reduced ‘cos I eventually spoke out to someone who prayed with me.
All through my 2nd and 3rd year, I was coming in and out of depression because things did not go as expected. You hardly catch me smiling because I felt there was nothing to be happy about; so it actually hurt me a lot when friends were constantly saying Ore that never smiles. I just decided to keep my misery to myself and tell no one until a particular day, an event was held for ladies and I decided to talk to the guest minister. And it seemed that was the end of depression.
She made me understand that depression is like a spirit that has to be casted out, sharing her own experience with me. I can boldly say now that I’m no longer the depressed girl I used to be. Just recently, I was almost sliding back into it, but I have learnt to cast my burden on Jesus, for He is the greatest joy giver.
You may be out there also being afflicted by depression, but you try to camouflage, showing people that you are happy, but you know what goes on within. Well! I have good news for you. Come cast your burdens upon Jesus and let Him flood your heart with happiness, for He is the greatest joy giver. You never can tell, I might have eventually committed suicide if it lingered longer. Suicide is however not the way out, CHRIST is.