Going through my Facebook news feed, I came across a piece written by someone I wait on to read his posts, writing on how to keep romance alive by doing little things to and with our spouse. Reading through the comments, I noticed many of the commenters saw it as something strange. I was gobsmacked at the sad reality in many homes. He made a follow-up post on how zero romance has become the norm in many homes. My heart wept reading through the comments and there was almost a build up of fear in my own heart.
This post generated questions in my heart, and I asked why it seems there is a belief in our milieu that being romantic in marriage is strange, and there is often a cover up with religion and other flimsy excuses. There were different opinions given, but that is not the focus of this post. What we seek to achieve by this post is how the fire of romance can be kindled or rekindled in homes. It should also prepare the mind of the yet to be married that romance should not be alien.
Romance is not really in the big things, but in the little things that makes your spouse heavy with joy. It is in the deliberate effort to gaze into the eye of your partner and get lost in their world. It is in the smile, the play, the time to laugh together, the tenderness, the little surprises, the show of care and thoughtfulness, and the every every. It is these little things that add up to become huge.
Romance is not what a husband does to his wife, rather, it is what both spouse do to each other. There is no rule that says it is the men alone that should be romantic. Both parties should find ways to be romantic with each other. Don’t let your marriage join the number of the romantically challenged. Romance means touching the heart of your spouse in a way that is not the regular. You have to be intentional and deliberate with how you show love to your spouse.Don't let your marriage join the number of the romantically challenged. Romance means touching the heart of your spouse in a way that is not the regular. You have to be intentional and deliberate with how you show love to your spouse. Click To Tweet
Owo ni koko (money is important), we know, but the attention you’re to pay to your spouse and the love and care you’re to show is ‘importanter’ if your marriage is to be alive. Don’t be cut up in the rat race, while you neglect your spouse.
There are times, the heat may be going low because of pressures of life. You don’t have to give up at this stage. You have to work on rekindling the flame. Declare with your actions, “LET THERE BE ROMANCE,” and surely there will be. Romance will not just happen one day. You have to do the drill.
The thing that makes romance strange in this our part of the world is that we have seen how it was, and we are not willing to change the perspectives we have on how marriage should be. Religion, just as it is may be an excuse for some not being romantic, but the BIBLE can never be used to back up lack of romance. Read the story of Abraham and Sarah, amongst other recorded stories. It is also not a foreign (western) concept, but a Biblical concept.
Let me drop some tips before I take my bow.
1) Renew your mind. Change your perspective on romance. That is the first place to start. If I give a thousand and one tips and your mindset doesn’t change, it profits you nothing.
2) Speak about it with your spouse. Being romantic is a two-way street, not one way. If your spouse is not open to romance, your own effort will amount to you pouring water in a basket.
3) Maintain a positive attitude towards romance. Don’t think there is an undertone to their being romantic. Don’t also be romantic because you want something in return. Be romantic because you want to make your marriage sizzle.
4) Don’t be selfish. I repeat, don’t be selfish.
5) Fear not. Being romantic doesn’t mean you have to spend a fortune. Be creative with what you have, and voila! Your romance happens.
I bet you were expecting me to leave some give flower and chocolate tips, nada! You can always browse that up yourself. But, if these tips are not addressed, the flower and chocolate tips may not be a possibility or it becomes a drudgery. I know you don’t want this.
Add yours to the list. Let’s learn together.