Don’t fret at this yet, just take a deep breath and keep reading. Yes, I’ll repeat it again, it is allowed for you to be selfish. You’ll understand it better as you read further.
All things being equal as soon as you and your spouse gets married, the children start rolling in in and attentions may begin to shift from your spouse to the kids and intimacy may begin to dwindle. If not probably handled there might be a complete drifting which may not be noticed until the children are all grown up and the couple are empty nesters.
Before this reality dawns on you, you’ll have to be deliberate on being ‘selfish.’ By being selfish, I mean you have to be intentional on placing yourself and your spouse before and above your children. As far as your home and marriage is concerned, your children are meant to be at the back burner, while you and your spouse occupies the front.
This does not mean you ignore your kids and their needs. NO! It means that there are times where you’ll be conscious of not placing your kids over your spouse. While your kids will grow up someday and leave you, your spouse stays till death. I’m sure you do not want to wake up one fateful day and realise you and your spouse are perfect strangers.
While life may want to drown the time you have to share with your spouse, you’ll have to do all things in your power to keep afloat so your intimacy with your spouse doesn’t flow with the tide.
What are some steps you can take that may make you look ‘selfish?’
ORGANISE WE TIME.
Once in a blue moon, organise a date with your spouse where you can discuss on several topics asides things that have to do with your children. Let the focus of the discussion revolve around your spouse, you and your spouse. Make sure your children do not even encroach into this time. Block off every and anything that might want to steal this time for you.
MAKE YOUR CHILDREN UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR SPOUSE COMES FIRST
The best thing you can do for your kids is to let them see and know that you and your spouse share an inseparable bond that cannot be broken. The best gift you can give to them is the love you share with your spouse which is so evident it spills over to them. Don’t ever make the mistake of making them feel they are the ones that occupy the major part of your heart. Ring it in their ears, sing it as a song that after God, your spouse comes first, while they follow. It is God first, spouse second and children last.
EXCEPT EXTREMELY URGENT, DELAY THEIR ATTENTION IF IT CLASHES WITH THAT OF YOUR SPOUSE
This is sequel to the first. There are times your children and your spouse are dragging for your attention and you can give only one of the parties. Please grant the gift of your attention to your spouse except the need of that child has a sense of urgency in it.
As I conclude, don’t spend all of your time being parents while you lose touch of yourselves as couples.
Won’t you rather be selfish in this context to save your marriage?
Want to add something? Feel free.