I think it gets to a point when some parents just lose it all in terms of having the heart of their children. I don’t want to believe I’m the only one that has this thinking. The kids are all grown up and there is an emotional detachment from their parents in a way they can’t even understand. Yeah, I know there will be a time where all the clinging will reduce, but of a complete detachment, I know not of.

Well, the reason is not farfetched. Some of these parents may have gotten it wrong (the emotional connection) from the beginning. The parent/child bonding may not be there, and it is quite difficult to fix it when the kids are much older.

Some time ago, while at a social function, a guy came from behind hugging his mum and she rubbed him on his head and he settled in with other members of the family after greeting them to. I watched on. It came to a time of dance, and the way mother and son danced wowed me. Why? Considering his age and the way adolescents behave towards parents in public, I wasn’t expecting that kind of show of closeness. However, one thing that struck my mind was that that mother has won with her kids, and there is a deep emotional bond that even societal stereotype and ‘expectations’ cannot break.

How then can parents win with their children and create that lasting bond even after cleaving to their respective spouses?

COME DOWN TO THEIR LEVEL: As parents, you can’t remain on your high horse and expect your children to come up to you. Mummy and daddy, you have to come down to our level. Our generation is quite different from yours. To hold on tightly to yours and neglecting ours merely creates a lacuna between you and your children and something else will definitely fill in that gap. You can instill the values of your days better in your children if you understand the peculiarities of our age and find a way to pass your message across.

BE A FRIEND/MENTOR: A friend or mentor is someone you can easily confide in who will guide you in the right path if they are really good friends. To win with your child, be their first friend before any other friend outside. Let them have that boldness to come to you without fear of what your reactions will be. Aside engaging them on the parent level, interact with them on the friendship page. By doing so, you gain more access and information to their lives and you will know the way to help with your superior wisdom. In most cases, you know better than your kids because they can’t see beyond their nose, but if they are not your friends, you may not communicate your message effectively.

HEAR THEIR VIEW: One thing I know is that teenagers hate it when you shut them up and you’re unwilling to hear them out. Some parents are cut in the web of ‘I know it all, what do you know? I was born before you,’ and all of its collaterals. The more you shut your child up, the more they form their own opinion which they will not communicate to you and the more hardened they become. Their views may be wrong, but because you’ve shut them up and foisted your opinion on them without allowing them air their views which you can correct, they remain stuck in their wrong opinions which does more harm than good.

CREATE BOUNDARIES/SET STANDARDS: Sequel to the second point, while being their friends is a welcome idea, setting standards and creating boundaries is very important. Draw the line and make them aware of the line they cannot cross in their interactions with you. Being friends with your kids should not court disrespect or dishonour. You can be firm with your kids and still very friendly.

Being friends with your kids should not court disrespect or dishonour. You can be firm with your kids and still very friendly Click To Tweet

Above all, do all you can, by all means you can, with every effort you can to win with your kids so you don’t lose them.

Much love.