I regret marrying her in the first place, and I can’t imagine what peace I would have had, if I had heeded your advice and married jane instead.
Sorry that I didn’t even start the letter properly. This is how far frustration can lead a young newly weddded man to be.
It is with displease and severe pain that I write you this letter, I have always wanted to be the man you raised me to be, I have always tried to be the best husband, but alas, I think I am in the ship with the wrong person, or probably the plane I am piloting is not enrouting the same destination as my wife’s.
All I have always wanted is for her to be happy. I never realised that things wouldn’t work out as planned. Dad, I can’t stand her sad face and mood swings again. All she enjoys doing is talking about her friends’ pictures on social media hanging out with their husbands and spending time together in different places. Dad, I haven’t seen you and mum do such things, rather you sit together and pray, or read the word of God, rather than waste precious time away at the beach. I have tried to tell her this indirectly, but she wouldn’t just understand.
She is using the latest toyota that I recently bought for her, she is comfortable and doesn’t lack anything. I pray for her and pray with her everytime, sometimes I even cook the food we both eat whenever I see that she is tired. But all these still doesn’t impress my wife. I am tired daddy and I can’t cope again. I don’t want to involve the pastor or the church, because she has been the best wife thus far, she prays, cooks, cleans, and even take care of my laundry sometimes, but what I don’t understand is the sad face she carries about the house.
Dad, I once overheard her telling one of her friends that went to a popular beach in lagos, of how she envied them. Imagine! And I even saw her smiling at the lady and her husband’s picture which the lady posted on her whatsapp status. You can imagine that dirty lagos beach, where all dick and harry visits, that is where my wife envies, dad I am tired. I hope to hear from you soon before I take my decision.
This was me few years back when my marriage nearly crashed. I kept this letter as a reminder to myself and also to whoever cares to listen that marriage involves lots of sacrifies. I was a young successful man, from a christian home, where all that matters is prayer and the scriptures. I lived and watch my parent lived this life in their marriage, and they had the best home, the best relationship, and the best love life. This was all I envisaged and prepared for, when I married my beautiful, Godly and diligent wife, Abike, but I forgot one important part. I forgot that we are in a new generation, where the display of love, affection and quality vibes in marriage has gone beyond the analog pattern that worked for my parent.
I pulled the analog pattern my parent used into my home, and things almost crumpled. I was too occupied and spiritual, that the little things my wife wanted, the little emotions and feelings she wishes to escalate, became unnecessary and partly sinful in my eyes.
My wife wanted someone who will hold her hands and walk through hundreds of people in the church. She wants to always be on my social media pages and status, but my status was already occupied with sermons, preachings, bible messages and other motivational talks. She needed a soulmate, but I was just a mere housemate. She craved for a man she can hangout with, take pictures with ,while she sat cuddled up in my arms by the seaside, or in a yatch, but I was more of a rigid partner, I thought I was doing the right thing, and she was doing the wrong thing.
It took the intervnetion of God to open my heart, and allow her part of the discussion to sink in on a particular night. she wept all night, as she held tight my hands, telling me all she had craved for, and all her fantasies about the man she hoped to marry. It will interest you to know, that I married my wife a virgin, and our marriage was ordained by God himself. How God connected us, is a story for another day, but I was in no single doubt that she is the rib of my ribs, and the flesh of my flesh.
She had prayed for a man that will not only love her, but will always be head over heels in love around her, a man that will be willing and ready to publicly show the world how beautiful she is, and how deeply he is in love with her. See me see trouble, all this small thing was what I mistook for unseriousness, and irrelevant. Just before my own eyes, my marriage boat almost capsized, but God helped me, I was able to realize this, and I made a drastic change.
See us enjoying our weekend in various awesome places, my whatsapp status never stop displaying the bible messages, but I found a spot for my beautiful wife, I talk more of how awesome she is in gatherings, I walk her down the church auditorium every Sunday, in our matchng outfit and I couldn’t but rejoice at the smile that radiates on my wife’s face each time she holds my hand in public. Now I know what local woman wanted, and from that time on, our marriage took the best form with happiness on all ends.
That is why you still find us in our matching outfit at every function, irrespective of our beautiful grown up children.
You’ve got to understand yourself, your partner, and what you both want for your home, to ensure you have the smoothest and most Beautiful marriage. Public Display of Affection is not the most important thing in marriage, but if that is what makes your partner happy and feel secured, then you both need to come to a consensus for the best of the relationship and for the best of your marriage.
Thank you all for listening.
My love, enough of the story, let’s get going, or else we’ll be late. I can’t wait to take pictures with you at the art gallery. She said as she pulled me out of the chair.
Written by: Israel Ifeoluwa Kuti.