Welcome to the first episode of the interview series with me is a really wonderful couple I admire so much, and I’ve learnt a lot from, particularly from their Informed Family Builder class. Enjoy!
Not so many of my readers may know you, so can you kindly let us know you?
Juliet and Olayinka Ambali. First children of God. Happily married to the glory of His name. Blessed with an adorable child. We are both writers and editors professionally and we have a side business–making and selling ice.
Interesting! It thrills me to know you both write and edit. That’s lovely. So, for how long have you been married?
We have been married for 3 years and 10 months today (Oct 3). We will be 4 years old in December. We look forward to our anniversary 😍.
Aww. I pray for many more happy years together for you both, and happy married life in advance. Will you let us know how you knew your husband was the person for you?
I knew he was the One because I had complete peace about spending the rest of my life with him. I knew that I wanted to go through any season of life with him because I had peace within. He was just different. One of my first impressions was that he was without guile. People have impressions that people change negatively once they eventually get married but he has been so amazing that words can’t say how thankful I am. I found favour in the sight of God with this man.
Aww, so beautiful. What about you sir? How did you know this beautiful woman was custom made for you?
Olayinka: God made me know through different means even long before I met her and after I did.
If I may ask, how do you see marriage in our world today? With the high rate of divorce, separations, and domestic violence, what hope do singles have?
Juliet: I don’t see marriage in any way other than the fact that marriage the way God intended can be achievable. All the answers to how this can be achieved are in God’s word. It’s important to choose between if we want to do it the way the society does with several notions and beliefs or the way God planned.
Olayinka: Let me take the first part of the question. Marriage is an institution ordained by God and there are some roles that this institution plays in the society. It is an avenue for people to form deep companionship which is higher than just ordinary friendship. It is the only avenue by which God wants the world to be populated. Marriage is one of the platforms by which values, norms are formed so that people can get socialised and become good members of the society. God said after looking at Adam that it is not good for man to be alone. He made him an help meet. The hope is that the intention or purpose for which God instituted marriage is still there. God has not changed it. That is the hope for them. What God did right from the beginning is still there.
Hmm. I love this. Thank you, sir and ma’am. I’ll love to ask. Do you miss anything about your single days? How did you ‘cope’ with ‘losing’ your independence?
Juliet: I actually don’t miss anything about my singles day because the truth is, there isn’t anything that I was doing that I didn’t or don’t have the liberty to do now that I am married. I think I spent my single days well. I am currently enjoying every bit of being married. It takes me to the second aspect which is that I haven’t been coping in any form and I even have a lot more freedom to explore and live life fully. I am deeply grateful for that.
Olayinka: On a lighter note, I miss that I could wear what I felt like wearing without someone saying that the colour combination doesn’t fit (laughs). My independence is not supposed to remain. It is supposed to merge. I am not controlling myself. I am part of another soul. Nothing is lost. Rather, I have gained a lot of things.
Ha ha! Your first statement put laughter on my lips. Your wife is doing a good work with your colour combination then. So, on to the next question, if there is a next world and you have a chance to start all over, will you choose your spouse again? Still on this, how do you keep friendship going?
Juliet: Absolutely. I would want to get married to this man again and again. I really can’t picture marriage without him being in the picture. He is my inspiration. I have learnt a lot of healthy perspectives about marriage from him, not just by the things he says but more from his actions. We are intentional about many things of which quality time is key. So anything that helps us enjoy each other well and isn’t displeasing God, we are in for it. Our date nights are important and we explore several ways to this.
Olayinka: 100%, I will want to be married to her. We have our own unique ways of staying as friends. We know and we both know that we know (both of us laugh at this)
I’ll join you in the laughter. Some of your responses have been cracking me up. How do you manage each other’s pet peeves? How can you tell when your partner is angry, particularly when they hide their feelings?
Juliet: He doesn’t have any pet peeves that relates to the home that I’ll have to manage. So, there isn’t any pet peeves to manage. To us, some emotions feel like they are so weighty and anger is one of them and God has helped us that such emotions aren’t present with us. Anger is too deep an emotion that I feel must have been brought about by something really grievous. To then be angry from time to time means that there are underlying unadressed issues.
Communication is key for us. So we have no problem in that area. Truth is couples can dwell together freely without having to go through this path. In our family, If someone is upset about something, it’s often probably something that we see happen outside our home and this would most likely be me not being happy about something that occurred outside our space–more like, I am passionate about certain things. So when I see things not being like they should, I feel sad about them with the hope to see change. My husband is also a very easy going man and wouldn’t get upset by the slightest things. So, that helps a lot. I also think that we learnt this pattern a great deal before we got married. Not even in the marriage.
Olayinka: There are not many pet peeves that she has. So that has helped me. She doesn’t hide her feelings. Even our daughter can tell. She doesn’t have the capacity to hide how she feels. She tells me how she feels about anything.
Anger is too deep an emotion to dwell amongst couples. Thank you, ma’am. I’ll also want to ask you both how you handle each other’s flaws and short coming. Discussing it may seem like a slippery slope, how do you do it?
Juliet: Before we got married, we addressed issues like this to the point where we both know best to focus more on each other’s strengths. That has been very helpful. Instead of highlighting flaws (which for people in general may make little to no difference), I will rather suggest possible ways that I would love something to be done.
Olayinka: There hasn’t been the need to have this conversation in a serious setting since we got married. Maybe, something we talk about lightly once in a while. We just pray that God helps us improve on our strengths and weaknesses but we major more on our strengths and I think that has helped us in many ways.
As a wife, did the thoughts of your responsibilities of being a partner, mother, career woman, church leader, counsellor, etc. weigh you down? As a man, how did you handle the thoughts of your responsibility awaiting you?
Juliet: Nothing like that weighed me down because I do two things: One, take one step at a time in everything. Multitask when necessary or face one thing squarely when need be and I give myself breaks as well. Two, I have a good support system.
Olayinka: I prayed and I knew God answered my prayers. There was no fear. I handed everything over to God and did my part. That’s what I still do.
Kudos! I love your honest responses. Do you have a word for singles?
Juliet: Pray. Not just when you feel ready for that step but even way before. Don’t look at what the society expects from you especially since there are a lot of unhealthy patterns passed down. Look at God and His word–There are laid down steps there to help you both. Marriage is not difficult. It can be one of the best steps you will take. Plus it takes two to make the home.
Olayinka: They should pray. They should pray that God should give them the bone of their bones. The flesh of their flesh. They should not choose by themselves and when they start their home, they should continue with God who helped them establish the union.
You both nailed it! ‘Marriage is not difficult.’ I caught that. Hope my wonderful audience will catch that too. Thanks for your time, Mr Yinka and Mrs Juliet Ambali. Home Talks loves you.
Over to you dear reader, I trust you got something. I’ll also love to hear from you.