H.T: A beautiful morning to you, ma’am, and thank you for honouring our invitation on our platform. Can we meet you, please?
I am Mrs Opeyemi Esther Alabi. I am happily married and blessed with an energetic son. I am a Food Scientist. I run Emerald Innofoods Concepts, a registered food business under CAC which began real operation in 2018. Emerald Innofoods Concepts sensitizes the public on the science of food and its impact on health. I organize individual and group trainings directed towards promoting healthy eating habits. I also advice and help other small scale food business owners, sell quality and nutritious dry food products, run food initiatives and shop for quality foods for people, home and abroad. Particularly, I have strong interest in dry food business as it contributes to food preservation and availability all the year round. I also run a head to toe online fashion store and actively promote modesty and war against nudity.
H.T: Beautiful intro. It’s an honour having you here with us, ma’am. Before we dig deeper into this session, can you let us know how long you have been married? How did you know your spouse was the one?
November 12, 2019 made it 3 years of a happy married life. I knew my husband was the one for me with the help of God, life purpose clearly connected and compatibility was clear. While waiting on God, I had prayed for certain cogent qualities of my future spouse such as being a disciplined child of God, diligent, a loving heart, visionary and one with distinct Godly virtues. I clearly saw these qualities and many more in him which made the connection strong. We met through divine arrangement also.
H.T: How do you see marriage in our world today? With the high rate of divorce, separations, domestic violence, what’s the hope for those coming behind?
In today’s world, marriage has been reduced to shambles, trial and error and a place full of negatives. You see people already thinking of divorce and separation even before getting married to their spouses. This is because many young people choose and get into marriage with the wrong mind-set, reasons and unprepared. Marriage is spelt R.E.S.P.O.N.S.I.B.I.L.I.T.Y. It is a spiritual journey which also has the physical side to it. When the spiritual aspect is compromised then things will fall apart and the centre will not hold. Christ should be the head of every home if it will be successful. The sure hope for those coming behind is to embrace Christ, the perfect home builder. With Him, you will choose right and live right the married life.
H.T: What do you miss about your single days most and how did you cope with ‘losing’ your independence?
Honestly, I do not miss anything. I am not under any bondage or confinement. Laughs! I am still pursuing the purpose of my life as when I was single. I am even chasing it better as a married woman because my husband has been very supportive. I have no regret on my marital journey. I lived a purpose driven single life for more than 28 years of my life so I was ready and well prepared for the marital journey. I knew what I was getting into and I was conscious of my every move. We are INTERDEPENDENT. No one is controlling another. We are both under the control of God. We both respect ourselves, depend on one another and harmonise our life and living.
H.T: If there is a next world, and you have a chance to start all over, will you re-marry that person you’re married to again? How do you and your partner stay as friends?
Indeed, YES! I will choose Olumide Alabi repeatedly. He is God’s best for me. We stay as friends by praying and serving God together, constantly communicating even if we are distance apart, by respecting and validating our uniqueness, esteeming each other high, doing house chores and child care together. We also travel, watch movies, shop and cook together.
H.T: I can feel the love. Your ‘YES’ was emphatic, and I love it. How do you handle your partner’s pet peeves? How can you tell when your spouse is angry, particularly when they hide their feelings?
The life of a Christian doesn’t give room for display of anger and fighting so we don’t exhibit such traits. However, no one is perfect and there have been some random mild displeasures. Personally, when I see anything that bugs me, I speak out and thankfully he addresses it positively and calmly while apologising where necessary. We don’t dwell on negatives and sleep over displeasures. We both forgive and forget easily. This has helped our relationship a whole lot.
H.T: Hmm. The life of a Christian doesn’t give room for anger. On point, ma’am. The reader’s will love to know, do you ever discuss about your flaws and how one negatively affects the other? If yes, when do you bring up such a topic? Has it ever proven worth treading such a slippery slope? How do you go about it so that the discussion ends successfully? Does it strengthen or weaken your union? Would you recommend it to another couple?
Yes, we have discussed our flaws a couple of times. The virtues of faith, humility and patience do make such discussions go gracefully and end well. Most times, we end up apologising and praying after such serious discussion. Straightaway, we come off the ugly situation happier and better. Each trial does makes us stronger. That is the summary of it all. We don’t have a specific time we bring up matters but since we are both matured, we understand we can’t bring up matters at odd times say, Monday morning. Laughs. We address every discussion with the understanding that we are Christians and utilize Biblical injunctions. It is good for couples to discuss and address their flaws and not just assume that all is well. It makes everyone conscious of his or her actions and it implications on the other. It is good for bonding and I recommend that all couples should include intermittent assessment of their relationship in their to-do list. The husband and wife, including the children should have absolute freedom to express their grievances while the offender should humbly accept faults, apologise and determine to change positively. This will make any relationship last. Couples should ensure to have same values and heaven as their goal.
H. T: As a wife, did the thoughts of your responsibilities of being a partner, mother, working class individual, leader in the church, counsellor etc.. weigh you down?
During our courtship, we were very sincere with one another. We discussed responsibilities in the home well. We accepted that none of us will be under any undue pressure and division of labour has been perfectly working for us. The things I observed and his response to discuss during courtship (relationship) gave me peace of mind and I knew clearly that I won’t be stressed. Till date, I am never stressed with duties. In our home, no duty is excluded as anyone’s absolute duty. The principle is, do your best for the good of the home. We have both been giving our best. We are both responsible for every area of the home. We are both stakeholders to the success of the home. We handle all responsibilities in unity. Whenever any one of us travel, the other can function wholly because we are both involved in EVERYTHING. That is how marriage should be. There should be unity in ALL things. The husband and wife should be united and involved in every aspect of the home, including child care.
H.T: Hmm. I really appreciate your openness. As we conclude, what will you love to tell the yet to be married?
My word of advice to all singles out there is that they should choose their life partners prayerfully, wisely and consciously because that is the FOUNDATION. The Bible says in Psalms 11:3, If the foundation be destroyed what can the righteous do? When you choose right and go into marriage prepared and with the right mind-set, you will enjoy and not endure it. God instituted marriage and if it must work, you must partner with him. Shun premarital sex and unnecessary gifts giving and collection during relationship. This is because gift blinds the wise and pervert words of the righteous (Exodus 23:8). We wish all singles God’s best.
Wow! Wow! Wow! God bless you a lot ma’am. I personally learnt from what you’ve shared, particularly the need to discuss and trash out issues during courtship. Your home is blessed, ma’am. Home Talks will love to wish you a belated happy wedding anniversary.
To my loyal readers, I hope you had a swell time digesting the words of wisdom from this interview. Drop your comments in the comment box.