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Briggs Deborah Okorite is a passionate woman of God who loves to see that people live purposefully i.e live God’s best for them. She holds a degree in Informatics. Deborah is a software developer and a photographer. She writes about Faith, Love and Purpose on her blog, here. She’s a founding member of Starlyters empowerment initiative founded in 2016. She is also a member of Read Initiative, an organisation that grooms leaders through reading which she joined during her NYSC in 2018. She started ‘Dear Potential’ @dearpotential during her service year as she was directed by God’s leading with the aim to equip singles with the knowledge to maximise their single period. Posting lessons every Wednesday till its online sessions began . Briggs Deborah inspires thousands of people through her writings, lifestyle and story. She enjoys traveling, reading and research of recent. She’s the convener of Singles Hangout 1.0 She strongly believes she’s single, sane and loved by God and wants enough other singles to walk in the same light!


What do you think about singleness? Do you love it? Or are you just waiting to get hooked or you see it as an opportunity to explore and be happy? Just what?

Singleness is a phase of one’s life before marriage as it were. it is a period of your life before you get married. I love the single life honestly because I love God’s idea of it as opposed to the mindset many have of it. Singleness isn’t a curse, it’s just a phase of my life I have learnt to treasure and enjoy ever since I understood this in my teenage years. I would like to add that it should be an opportunity to learn and grow. Every phase of your life should actually.

Singleness isn't a curse, it's just a phase of my life I have learnt to treasure and enjoy ever since I understood this in my teenage years. I would like to add that it should be an opportunity to learn and grow. Every phase of your life… Click To Tweet

Singleness is a period to learn to follow God’s plan for one’s life, grow in our knowledge of Him, learn His ways, understand our similar purpose in Christ while we seek to know and grow in our unique assignments, callings and giftings. I honestly am not just waiting to get hooked. A lot think getting married is all there is to life so they put their lives on hold waiting for the next guy to ask them out or be friends with them without having a life of their own. some others think singleness is a curse so they try to run from it and get married by all means. It’s like someone saying going to school is a curse because you don’t like a particular class or school you’re in. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying marriage isn’t a good thing, it is! I talk about it quite well on my blog. The Bible calls it honourable at that. I love marriage and would love to get married some day but that isn’t the most important reason I was created. Thinking back on my single years, I am thankful I decided to enjoy my singleness and understand the purpose of my life and of marriage as well. If there’s anything that needs to be changed, it’d be our mindsets about singleness.

How do you handle pressure from well-meaning people who keep asking when you wil bring your spouse? Do you tink there is a right time to get married?

lol I think I am still quite young and I haven’t really had such pressures from anyone about marriage. The truth is I’ve been really privileged to have older folks around me who I learn from and hence handling such would require wisdom and patience. If such pressures are coming from your immediate family members/friends, it could be that they’re really concerned about you and it takes explaining and shedding some light on the plans you have, making them rest assured that God makes things beautiful in His time not ours. A well-meaning person should have your interest at heart and most importantly be folks who are led by the Spirit and understand the seasons of your life. Listen to ideas and opinions but subject them to God’s word and leading per time. Theres no right age to get married, I’ve come to realise and I have written a post around this sometimes ago. Read here. Thinking about it, just for some clarification, there are wrong ages to get married. For instance, I wouldn’t allow/advise my daughter to begin a relationships till she’s 18 or 19. In the end, it all boils down to your choice. I would only advise you to marry and settle early if you find someone to at 23 as a lady or 25 as a guy but if not, it’s okay and isn’t the end of your life.

Deborah Briggs Okorite

In your own opinion, is love enough to sustain a marriage?

Love is never enough, I have learnt. You need the Holy Spirit, knowledge, it’s application. Knowledge about who you are first. Get the right knowledge about what love really is/should be. You need to be sure you’re both compatible. Although love is more of a decision than a feeling, knowledge is still key. Ask questions!! Do you share the same faith? What are their values? How much do you know this person? How long have you known them? Can you vouch for their character? Are they likable? How do they handle pressure and disagreement? Are they teachable? Can you live with them not just living without them? Ask them and yourself these questions as well. Your sincere response to each would give you the answer to the question above. You’d realise there’s more to marriage than love. You’d be most likely married for the most part of your life so it’d be too risky to decide based on that alone.

Do you believe God still leads in this modern age?

Yes, I believe God guides and leads us. it’s more of a choice with Him than His choice for you. In the end, it’s truly your choice. The Bible is clear on our not being unequally yoked together with unbelievers. it’s not God who asks you to marry someone of a conflicting faith/belief. Understand how God leads you and trust His ability to do so. He chooses with you, His word as guideline on what is needful and your unique assignment. He doesn’t leave you out of it so ensure you subject every dream/vision to the truths in God’s word.

 

We hear of tribal differences and the rifts that sometimes occur between parents and their children who want to marry from other tribes. What do you think?

Well, I think this should be a personal choice when considering whom to marry. It’s not your parents who would live with them so you want to be careful and wise about advises like I said earlier. I have heard of parents who wouldn’t bulge as to the tribe their children must marry from, I think if they are believers, they should be open to having sincere and unbiased conversations about it and tell you their worries. It might just be based on what they’ve heard. If you have a good relationship with them, it’s better to first ask them why they insist on/against that tribe, prayerfully reason with them and clear their doubts or justify their fears. If after all these, it would be wise to put your tent in/away from that tribe and simply love someone from another tribe. it all depends on your peculiar situation. In all, allow God’s wisdom guide you.

How do you deal with loneliness?

I do not think that this is something that ends even in marriage. One of the benefits of marriage is companionship. I’d like to say that I learnt to deal with mindsets that suggests I’m lonely. Being lonely and being alone are two different things. The later suggests completeness and wholeness which is the real deal. God said “it is not good for a man to be alone” not lonely.

How have you been able to handle sexual urge, particularly with the present age we are in?

Sexual urge is real. I mean it is put in us by God for our sexual needs to be met in marriage. it is not to our disadvantage. Having this understanding helps us put things in perspective and also focus on what’s important per time because those urges don’t leave lol. I avoid putting myself in situations or places that would constantly feed those thoughts. Another way I deal with them is in prayer or rather by praying consistently. Prayer strengthens your relationship with God, it also strengthens you and gives you boldness in the face of temptation. When it comes to sexual temptation, the command has always been to RUN, stay away, don’t give room for filthy thoughts. Building your life around godly folks who remind you of your convictions would go a great deal. Notice I didn’t say wait till those friends come, I’m saying prayerfully look out for and surround yourself with people who share the same godly values as you do. Very important guys!

Do you think marriage is all about give and take?

Hmm… this question is quite tricky if you ask me but God’s word is clear. You’re not going into marriage to get but to give. God’s idea is selflessness not selfishness. It really isn’t about you but about God and seeking to meet the needs of the other person. Learning to love them with the God kind of love. For a better understanding, please read 1 Corinthians 13. Like Laju Iren would say, “you’re to outdo one another in love and honour”. Since marriage should mirror the love between Christ and the church, we need to learn God’s way of thinking. God says we will get what we want if we help enough other people get what they want, it’s so in relationships as well. Proverbs 11:25 gives us more insight into this question. “The liberal soul shall be made fat. He that waters shall be watered also himself.” Allow the Holy Spirit work on your heart and hence grow in your love walk. The beautiful twist is that when you focus on meeting your own needs alone, the less you get but you must learn to give more not get more. It was Sam Adeyemi who said “for a person to succeed in marriage, the person must be a go-giver not a go-getter”. Both parties need to focus on meeting each other’s needs. That’s how it has been designed.

Does yout partner have to be 100% perfect before you say yes?

There’s honestly nothing like 100% perfection lol which is the reason Christ came. I can tell you that as a recovering perfectionist there’s no such thing as human perfection except that which is gotten in Christ not through anything you or I did but simply by faith. From the perfectionist viewpoint, nothing you or other people do will ever be enough. If we waited till all about the person want to get married to is perfect, none of us will ever get married. I recommend Dating Intelligently by Laju Iren. It contains answers every single needs to know. Get it and thank me later.

Thank you for having me dear.

It’s my pleasure.