Tola beat her chest in confidence that Kola was going to change when they get married. Tinu, her sister warned her that it was better she broke off her engagement with Kola because the red flags were just too obvious. Tola called her names, and made a snide remark that she was an enemy of progress because no one had come for her hand in marriage being the first of three girls. Tola’s words cut Tinu deep, but she kept praying and hoping that her sister’s eyes would be opened. 

Two years later, Tola accepted her fate and came crying to Tinu to save her. Marriage has brought out the worst in Kola, she lamented.

One mistake people make or plan to make is to change their spouse. They have painted the ideal picture of how their partner/dream partner should be and when the real person comes, they try as much as they can to mould him/her into the image they have carved for themselves. That is the beginning of problem.

They see the handwriting on the wall, yet they choose to turn blind eye. At least, if their eyes are closed, there is nothing to see. Soon enough, marriage opens their eyes and it’s too late.

There are pet peeves—not red flags that were there before entering into the marriage—that can be corrected in love while being hopeful of change.

Change in any form cannot be forced. Fresh fish can be folded easily without breaking, but once it has been roasted and you attempt to bend it, it will break. A person is not easily changed unless there is a transformation by the Holy Spirit. Don’t enter into a relationship with the intent that you will or love will change the person. Like roasted fish, if you force it, they will break. If you notice what you can’t tolerate, walk away before it’s too late. Don’t end up like Tola

Jesus at the center makes the home godly and happy.

Much love,


I Can’t Change My Spouse, But I Can Change Me.