Adoption is a deep and sensitive subject and it requires that you understand the nuances of adoption before going into it. Once you step into the water, you have to go all in and you have to be prepared for the journey ahead. One of the nuances you have to understand about adoption is that the child or children you have adopted will have burning questions in their mind and they need answers, and you should be prepared to give them the answers that you have.
These are not questions you will respond to with harshness, neither should you silence them when they bring the questions to the fore. They have questions about their identity. They have questions as to why they were adopted and were giving up for adoption. They want to know things about their biological family, and a whole lot more.
So how do you answer their so many questions that may make you uneasy?
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First, you have to understand that they wanting to connect the dots of their life and find a bit of closure is not an attack on you or your parenting abilities, neither are they questioning the love you have for them. You have to respect their desire to know the circumstances surrounding their birth and the decisions made on their behalf.
Secondly, be open to answering their questions as much as you can. You have to ensure that your disposition towards them makes them they feel safe to ask these questions, and you should not put them in a situation where they begin to think you no longer love them because they are asking questions. Don’t hide any information from them: lay it out bare and let them know all that there is to know.Don’t hide any information from them: lay it out bare and let them know all that there is to know. Click To Tweet
Thirdly, when giving them answers, don’t come off like you did them a favour by adopting them. Don’t make it seem as if their biological parents did not want them or they were a cast away before you found them. I bet love was the motivating factor for adopting them, it should also reflect in how you answer their questions.
Finally, if you have access to their biological parents, don’t deny them access. This is what an open adoption is about—having access to the biological parents within the terms of agreement and boundaries made. There are some questions only the biological parents have answers too. Don’t deny them these answers. If they do not have biological parents or their biological parents are not reachable, don’t cut them off from their root. Fill in the gaps in their lives as much as you can. You can read more about open adoption, the pros and the cons, here.