This is the last post in the adoption series and I am so grateful for the past one month writing about adoption. The posts so far are not in any way exhaustive on the issue of adoption, but you can start from here, here, here and here. This is one very important issue on the subject of adoption, and one that cannot be done anyhow.
How you let your child know they are adopted, when you let them know, and how you talk about their adoption process and their birth mothers or the circumstances surrounding their birth, particularly if they are young will go a long way in how they respond to the revelation of their relationship with you.How you let your child know they are adopted, when you let them know, and how you talk about their adoption process and their birth mothers or the circumstances surrounding their birth, particularly if they are young will go a long way in… Click To Tweet
One thing you should not do is hide the information from them in a bid to ‘protect’ them because, one day, they will know and it may just boomerang. What you did for good, might turn evil and that child may not want to have anything to do with you, and go in search of answers about their birth. This is one mistake some people make which eventually lives embittered, broken, insecure, and sometimes rebellious children.
For children who were adopted at infancy, introducing them to the topic of adoption from their very young age makes it easier to talk about when they grow older and understand what it means to be adopted. Someone said what she does is to put pictures of their birth mother in their room so they get familiar with the face and talk to them about who the mother is. Make the conversation an ongoing one and don’t make it something you detest talking about.
Closely related to letting them know at an early age is talking well about their birth mother. That she gave the child up for adoption doesn’t not necessarily mean she loves them less. There are many reasons children are given up for adoption. If you have a relationship with their birth mother, give the child the opportunity of knowing why he or she was given up for adoption. If you do not have, explain the circumstances of their birth if you know and do so from a place of love.Yes, the purpose of adoption is to give a child a family, but don’t see it as a favour you’re doing to the child. Let love lead you and let it be your only motivation. Click To Tweet
In letting your child know they were adopted, you should know that you did them no favours by taking them out of the orphanage or wherever. Yes, the purpose of adoption is to give a child a family, but don’t see it as a favour you’re doing to the child. Let love lead you and let it be your only motivation. Reinforce that love you have for them and that love that led you to them so that when people choose to give hurtful remarks concerning their birth, they are secure in your love for them.
Finally, let them know before others tell them before you.
I’ll end this series on this note and I hope you were blessed and educated.
Watch out for another series, The Fatherhood Series from next week.