This is a reality so many couples are not willing to face, and society doesn’t even help matters in anyway. You hear things like in nine months’ time, we are coming to eat another rice. The self-appointed ‘pregnancy watchers’ begin to look out for baby bumps. And if conception delays further, some mothers begin to ask for grandchildren, while other relatives and friends go ahead and question the couple on when they plan on having children. It’s pressure upon pressure on almost every side.

So, what are you to do when children are not forth-coming? I know the issue of having children should basically be about the couple, but I’ll want to write it from both the side of the couple and the part the other people who are waiting to carry children.

If you fall in the latter category, the primary thing you should do is to mind your business. Except the couple comes to you and confides in you about their child-bearing plans, you have no business poking your nose in their business. You don’t have to go about asking insensitive questions or giving unsolicited advice—if they need advice they know where to go, except you’re their gynecologist. You never can tell what the couple may be going through, you do not even know if they are not ready to have kids at the moment, and you also do not know if there are hurdles they have to scale before they can have kids.

SUGGESTED READ: LET’S TALK ABOUT ADOPTION

Now, that that has been cleared, let me now focus on the couple who want to have kids but they are not forth-coming. What can you do when the kids you so much desire are not coming?

  • Don’t give in to the pressure. It will come, but as much as you can, insulate yourself from the ‘pressure cookers’. They’ll do you no good. They might mean ‘well’, but they’ll also be putting you under unnecessary stress.
  • Remember that both of you are in this together. Even if it is one of you having issues, you’re a team. Don’t have the mind-set that he’ll figure it out or she’ll figure it out. You both have to figure it out.
  • If there are no medical issues involved in the delay, keep your trust in God. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. Children are a good gift, and He’ll give them to you in His own time—He makes all things beautiful in His own time. This might not be easy, but as you trust God for other things as a believer, trust Him for this one.
  • Draw closer to yourselves. Don’t let it draw you apart. Also don’t let it draw you farther from God, rather let it draw you closer to God.
  • Open your mind to the plans God has for you. His ways are not our ways neither are His thoughts our thoughts.

Let me conclude in the words of one woman I admire a lot—Mrs. Juliet Ambali. “The desire to have children is normal, but don’t let it break you. You are not defined by your parental status just as you’re not defined by your marital status.”

The desire to have children is normal, but don’t let it break you. You are not defined by your parental status just as you’re not defined by your marital status.” Click To Tweet

With love,

Oluwakemi.